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п»ї<title>Money and partner, a combination of care</title>
.There is a point at which butterflies in the stomach no longer count for much in love. It is the time when more earthly matters begin to take on importance and idealism is being replaced by a more practical spirit. The economic aspect, for example, comes to the fore. This is when money and partner begin to form a careful pairing, which, if not handled with intelligence and tact, can be a source of conflicts that take root.
Money is much more than a material resource for human beings. Each of us gives it a conscious and unconscious meaning. This depends on how some childhood stages have been resolved, the education received, the experiences we have had with money and the environment in which we live.
Sooner or later, money and partner are two realities that meet. Sometimes, from the very beginning. There are many people for whom the economic situation of the other person is an important variable for choosing him/her as a partner. Nor are there few relationships that end up being contaminated and destroyed by a lack of agreement or understanding.
"Blessed is he who has talent and money, for he will use the latter well."
-Menander of Athens
Money and partner: the initial subtletyIn money matters, there is always some hypocrisy, as Sigmund Freud rightly pointed out. The father of psychoanalysis asserted that, just as in sexual matters, money matters are also full of taboos, half-words and prejudices. This is seen with particular force in the initial stages of a relationship.
Usually, at the beginning of a love relationship, money is too prosaic a subject to be included in the list of subjects on which agreements are reached. On the other hand, the intensity of love itself motivates giving, thus avoiding disagreements. Both want to pay, to give to the other.
In this first stage, however, some patterns are established that will mark the money and couple binomial. Almost always one of the two is more generous with resources, while the other is more receptive. There will be implicit agreements about spending behavior. On the other hand, the explicit discussion usually comes when cohabitation begins.
Money, power and asymmetryGenerally, people look for partners with a similar economic level. This is not always the case, but it is what prevails. Despite this, it is difficult for the two partners to have the same income, the same spending patterns and the same expectations. In this aspect there are usually several asymmetries, which are manageable when the contrast is not too great.
One of the problems arises when there are economic differences in the couple and money is also important in the distribution of power. In this way, there are many couples in which one of them carries all or most of the economic support, generating a debt that the other must pay in another way. Thus, with money you can get, for example, that your tastes or preferences take precedence in debates on which there is no agreement.
It is also not uncommon for there to be competition between partners. This is especially the case if both partners are successful in their careers and have good resources. Otherwise, when deprivation is the predominant note, the other may become the sparring partner to vent frustration.
In the study Young couples and divorce, by Gonzalez and Espinosa, published in the Iztacala psychology journal, it is pointed out that money is the area most likely to generate conflict in an average couple. They indicate that it is the factor with the highest number and intensity of disagreements, before, during and after a divorce. The researchers assure that the subject is usually contaminated with feelings of anguish, anger, resentment, envy, jealousy and many more.
Without realizing it, many couples end up using money for purposes that do not correspond. To control the other, for example. Or to compensate for emotional damage, such as infidelity, indifference or abuse. That is why the issue of money and partner is one of those that require intelligent agreements that condition as little as possible the agreements reached in other areas. The healthiest way to handle it is to approach it directly and periodically reviewing what has been agreed upon.
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